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Therapy, Trust Issues, and the Root of it all - Part 1

It's been a long minute since I've stepped away from this platform. I do love writing and sharing my thoughts and ideas.

However, I've not been very consistent on expressing that on this platform. I'm striving to do better.

Speaking of doing better....

How many of us out there are currently using therapy to improve their way of living and thriving?

I believe in therapy as a facilitator for living well and facing our fears. There will be times in our lives when we will need consistent assistance from a life coach/therapist to thrive and I encourage anyone struggling on their own to seek that help. However, I've failed at every attempt to add therapy to my lifestyle.

Yes, I've tried three different therapists in the past 4 1/2 years and only succeeded at attending one session each!

Trust Issues? Yeah, I guess you could say that.

  • I didn't trust they (therapist) would keep my business out of their mouth when they got home. Mhmmm, I see you "Chatty Kathy".

  • I didn't trust they were competent enough. I have this thing called hyper intelligence and a dash of ego. How can you possibly know me better than I know myself to help me??!

OK. I'm sure you're all saying "but Cheli, you didn't give it a chance - I mean one session sis? Really?!"

Alright, Alright,'re right.

Clearly my trust issues make me a very hard candidate for therapy. I need to trust my therapist before I can reveal all the gritty details behind my trust issues. Until I find such a therapist, I have been working on myself as well as observing others.

This is what I've learned:

To find true and continuous healing, I need to address the cause of the issues that eventually created the symptoms in the first place.

I need to start from the Root of it all.

For example - if I'm experiencing insomnia I can always just get sleep aids, make sure I turn off all bright lights to induce sleep, don't eat late, don't exercise late...all good fixes. But that's all they are, symptom fixers. I need to address the root of my insomnia.

Why the hell am I still up at midnight period?!

Well I figured out anxiety and stress triggers my insomnia. Specific anxiety. This was anxiety related to upcoming work related travel or a life changing event that required my clear decision making. I always get stuck in the rabbit hole of "Insomniaville" whenever it was time to make what I have inadvertently labeled an overwhelming decision to make.

I react to these tasks by first pondering over it. I review and I review again. I revisit. I check the pros and cons, over and over and over again.

In the end no real decision is made. Manic right?

So I had to work backwards to solve my insomnia. First of all I had to understand that my indecisive and obsessive nature with certain tasks were self made. It wasn't the tasks stressing me, it was my response to the tasks that was stressing me. So moving forward, whenever I'm faced with a task or decision that will usually lead me down anxiety street, I pause. I pray. Prayer gives me confidence. When I say "may His will be done", I mean it. With those final words, I have removed the need to obsess over that decision. I move forward in confidence and let what will be, be.

No forecasting. No obsessing. No Insomnia.

Prayer and Meditation has been the root killer to my insomnia. Whenever I find myself going down that rabbit hole I remind myself that late nights and indecisiveness will not help in completing the task at hand. Pause, Pray, and move forward with confidence.

When I say confidence I mean that whatever the outcome may be, I have decided that I will be OK with it.

Lights out. Good night.

Now , my trust issues are another beast altogether. Like anything else they are triggered and focused. So it only shows up under certain situations or circumstances. So, what is the root cause of my trust issue?

Well, well, well,...wouldn't you like to know...

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